It has been longer than intended since the last post. Thanks to all those avid fellow journeyers who have made contact to either inquire if we are OK, or to complain about the silence!!

The plan was to do a medical report following Sue's visit to the oncologist last Tuesday. She was to get results of her most recent scans and blood tests. These results give an indication of the progression (or regression) of the cancer mass, liver lesion etc. Unfortunately instead of scan results we got scant results! For some reason the results were sent to the hospital and not to the oncologist. We are still awaiting a call.....

Despite the lack of confirmation from the scan, Sue's general level of well-being and improved liver function test results suggest to both the oncologist and us that the chemotherapy has had some effect in shrinking (at least) the liver lesion and (likely) the tumor too. Hopefully we will know for sure soon.

While medical information has been in short supply, demonstrations of love and care for us both continue to flow. Just this week we have experienced all of the following outpourings:

Flowers (including these!)
Meals 
Visits
Shopping trips
Gardening
Emails
Text messages
Skype conversations
Phone calls
House help
Books and magazines
Gifts
Hugs
Thoughts and prayers

We are overwhelmed by love!

 Geoff Bateman, 27 October 2013 

A quick update on 'the week that was'.

Tuesday saw a further visit to the Darwin Private Hosptial to have a follow-up scan of Sue's colon, stomach, liver and neck - the existing sites where the cancer has 'expressed itself' to date. We don't have the results yet but anticipate that there will be some evident shrinkage in at least some of these areas - but we do not really know.

Today was the first day in this round of chemo that Sue woke up feeling 'pretty good'. The 9 days since her last infusion have been the toughest ones yet. The main issue has been extreme tiredness and lack of energy. Ironically she has also been having trouble sleeping at night for the first time since she commenced chemo! Weird huh? The blessings continue to be real however. She is still more or less pain free and the side effects are much as before though perhaps slowly building in intensity.

So what does Sue do when she is having a (relatively) good day?  Believe it or not she does the following:

• Pick up a new (and much smaller) car (VW Golf 90TSI for those who understanding 'auto-speak')
• Go and have your eyes tested and order some 'reading glasses' to complement the existing graduated lens spectacles. (I think the idea is that this will unleash in Sue increased capacity in and enjoyment of not only reading, but also knitting, applique, iPad use and other such 'lap-based' activities!)
• Have a 'nana-nap'
• Have lunch
• Put on a load of washing
• Have a 'nana-nap'
• Go and watch your son's girlfriend play netball
• Have dinner
• Have a 'nana-nap'
• Do some applique
• Have a 'nana-nap'
• Wake up in order to go to bed!

Truthfully, there may not have been that many 'nana-naps', or there may have been more...... I lose track!!

As I have been heard to comment before, there are certain aspects of Sue's current existence that smack of 'early retirement. It is not a bad way of thinking/speaking about daily life at present - focussing on the positives while not denying the underlying reality. 

I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

Today it is three months since Sue's diagnosis. 

Seems longer.... and shorter.

* The photo was taken at Woolaning, Litchfield National Park, NT in 2005

If you are looking for a quick summary of 'things', this cartoons sums it up pretty well. 'Things' are much the same as we have reported before - thumbs up!. Sue had her third chemo infusion on Tuesday and that went pretty much as expected - and a little faster than last time. We walked in with the confidence that comes from having done it all a couple of times before and knowing what was going to happen. Then we were confronted with the reality that there was "someone sitting in Sue's chair"!!

What could have been a disaster worthy of a rewrite of Goldilocks and the Three Bears (perhaps Thinning Locks in the Chemo Chair?) actually became an opportuity for a fresh perspective on the garden, and on life, as we sat together more closely than was possible in the 'old spot'.

The infusion was uneventful but was only 75% strength in an effort to reduce the pain in Sue's feet this time around. 

As we drove home, Sue expressed the desire to buy some banana's and, despite the offer to drop her home first, seemed intent on 'going to the shops'. Apparently this a 'girl' thing!? Of course, there is no possibility of buying just one thing in the supermarket so it wasn't really a very quick visit. By the time we got to the checkout with our modest selection, Sue was teetering and I was supporting her and carrying the groceries. It must have looked like we had enjoyed a liquid lunch!!

Yesterday Sue was very tired and 'spacey', today even more so. The good news is that she is free to 'do' or 'not do' as she sees fit, and can be as dopey as she likes in the comfort of her own home. We try not to laugh at her (very often!).

Having said all that, life continues to be more than manageable and we are enjoying this strange new intimacy with each other and others. We are discovering afresh the incredible God-given capacity in humans for empathy and compassion and the imprinted desire to love and care. What a privilege. What a joy.

Hope's Thread

Swimming pool

Shaded, cool

Floating, peaceful, world apart

Music playing

Palm fronds swaying

Content together heart to heart

Close embrace

Face to face

Savouring each exhaled breath

Gazing long

Spirits strong

Living life, discussing death

Dreams receiving

Hope's thread weaving

God is sovereign; fears depart.

We see that it has been over a week since the last post (hmmm, 'last post' is an unintentional but slightly amusing military pun). The longer interval signals a couple of things to the discerning reader - (1) there is nothing dramatic to report with regard to Sue's progress, and (2) Geoff has been a bit busier (more pre-occupied?) with some work responsibilities and therefore not so much in the 'creative space'. He was also away in Sydney for two and a half days - which Sue coped with quite well - Geoff a little less so.

"So what has been happening?", We hear you ask.

We are curently in the 'rest week' before Round 3 of chemotherapy starts next Tuesday. Sue has remained largely pain free, usually only needing pain-relief medication before bed to facilitate a reasonable night's sleep. There was less ongoing pain in her arm in the days following the infusion - thank God. She has tired more quickly each day this time, though she developed a bit of a head cold too, so that didn't help.

We are thankful that there have still been no dramatic and debilitating side effects so far.  She still has the aversion to touching and swallowing very cold things and needs to wear white cotton gloves when retrieving things from the fridge and (especially) the freezer.  There has been a new arrival on the 'side-effects' scene though - tender feet!!  Over recent days, Sue has developed 'tingly and sensitive' feet. She describes it as like the soles of her feet are sunburnt. She has found walking in bare feet almost impossible at times. It is better when she wears socks or soft shoes. It has not been unusual to see her doing a little 'twinkle toes' shuffle down the passage in a pair of fetching little sports socks.

When you bring the aversion to cold and the tender feet together with retreiving something form the freezer, you get a somewhat bizarre scene of someone who looks a little like the love-child of Michael Jackson and Samantha Stozer. In case your imagination does not extend that far (or maybe goes TOO FAR), we have provided a picture of Twinkle Toes at work!!

Over all though, we continue to be absolutely blessed as we travel the journey. We constantly marvel at the way God expresses his love and care for us - through people's words and actions; through new and strengthened relationships; through skilled medical care; through myriad 'coincidences' and 'chance happenings'; through countless opportunities to see, serve and minister to others, and to gratefully receive the same. It is a big call given the end point of this journey, but it would be fair to say that it is a rare privilege that we have been given to live and grow and laugh and cry and "wow" our way through the time that we have before us. We give thanks to God for he is good and his love endures forever.

I would write a Celtic love song
Lilting tune, haunting pipes
To sing my love to you

....if I could....

I would paint a watercolour
Pastel hues, colour bleed
To show my love for you

....if I could....

I would pen a lyric poem
Careful words, clever rhyme
To speak my love to you

....if I could....

I would dare to dance before you
Complex rhythm, practiced steps
To prove my love for you

....if I could....

I might even cook a banquet
Aroma rich, taste divine
and present it silver service
Starched white napkins, candle light

Or renovate a farmhouse
Country kitchen, oven warm
and plant a pretty garden
Wooden bench, winding path

To show my love for you.

But time and talent fail me.
Willing spirit, weak in flesh
So listen to these whispered words
Quiet, thoughtful, spoken true....

"I love you beyond knowing.
I cherish and embrace
our past, our yet to come.
It is my joy
to laugh with you;
to grieve with you;
to smile and cry;
to praise and pray and sing;
and live my life entwined with yours.
I am grateful.
I am blessed."

Geoff Bateman, 6 October 2013

Today saw the beginning of 'Round 2' of Sue's chemotherapy. Naturally enough it was not quite so strange and unfamiliar.We knew where to go and what to expect (sort of). Sue chose the same chair, looking out the same window to the garden (and carpark) beyond.

Being an amidexterous sort of girl, Sue decided to mix it up and have the infusion in her left arm this time. In reality, her arm ached for about two weeks after the last infusion so she correctly deduced that, as a right-hander, it is better to sacrifice her left arm! I always knew she was a smart cookie!!

All was going completely according to our expectations and the transfusion was all done by soon after noon. We began planning lunch..... However, we were then reminded (actually we are not sure that we were ever actually told this bit....) that the extra chemical being added to the cocktail today also had to be slowly infused over 90 mins. We had both thought that it was just an injection. 

So, another cup of tea; a shuffle in the seat to get comfortable again; a few more chapters of the book; and a little more dozing - ALL DONE.

Sue was pretty whacked but, all things considered, the day went about as well as could be expected. We were very aware of being upheld by thoughts, prayers and good wishes from around Darwin, the NT, the country and the globe (with much more limited global coverage we think!!). 

As every parent knows, something special happens in your spirit when you take the time to stop, look and 'breathe in' the sleeping child. No matter what the demands of the day, the potential terrors of the night, even the challenges of the morrow, nothing can impinge on the moments of deep and profound peace, and intimate connection, expressed in the sleeping form of one you love.

It turns out that that is not only true for sleeping children......

One of the blessings of Sue's cancer is her forced 'early retirement'!  Now she is free (wellness permitting) to do some things that the 'not yet retired' are precluded from. Sue exercised one such freedom today and accompanied Geoff on a visit to Woolaning Homeland Christian College to open a new Skills Training Facility.

As well as catching up with some of those with whom we lived and worked from 2005 - 2007, we also took the opportunity to revisit some of our 'special places' and to reflect on the blessing that the time at Woolaning, and in Litchfield National Park, was to us and our family.

As we walked down to Wangi Falls from the carpark we talked about people, days, events, experiences from our past and the emotions these memories evoked.

We considered God's amazing creation as we gazed at the falling water and recalled the times that we spent swimming late in the afternoon when all the tourists had gone home and the shadows were low and long. We reflected how the water not only cooled our bodies but also ministered to our spirits.

In dipping her feet and hands once again in the Wangi pool, Sue connected with the richness of the past and stepped out into the future with gratitude and hope in our faithful God.

It was a special day.

Here we are nearly two weeks in to the first round of chemotherapy. Next Tuesday the 'rest week' begins and is marked by an absence of medication - thus offering the body a chance to 'recover' prior to commencement of the second round.

It has been a good week for Sue. The first 4 or 5 days after her infusion were pretty rough, but this last week has been good with generally reduced levels of pain and no debilitating side effects.Tiredness and lethargy are still issues, and there is some low level pain, but other than that -"it's all good"! What a pleasant surprise it has been. Sue even felt well enough to cook a (delicious) meal the other night - the first for many weeks. Praise God!

Here is the twist. In some ways Geoff has found this week the most difficult! While all the intense medical stuff was happening; while family and friends were being told the news; while emotions were new and raw and close to the surface; while Sue was in pain and distress and clearly needed close care, support and company; and while the reality of a reduced life-expectancy was 'in our face' every moment, Geoff knew EXACTLY what he needed and wanted to do, and EXACTLY where his priority lay. The 'choice' was easy and clear.

Right now though, Sue can largely manage herself at home and Geoff therefore has the option to be 'at the office' much more. In doing this, life has slipped back a little toward 'pre-cancer normal'. Of course, 'pre-cancer normal' was not laced with the present realities. However, the present realities are (intentionally or unintentionally) easier to down-play or ignore while Sue is feeling reletively well. The priorities between 'home' and 'work' seem less clear-cut. The 'choices' that were previously easy and clear have become much more complex!

So in the bizarre twist, it was easier when Sue was in need of more constant attention. Paradoxically, while we wrestle with the complexity of the present reality, the spectre of a return to the time when Sue is again in need of close care, support and company looms - and then, once again, the 'choices' will be easy and clear. Ain't life strange!!

Yesterday we learned a lesson in grace.

21 Adults and 8 kids descending upon our home on Saturday morning armed with:

• utes, trailers, wheelbarrows, spades, rakes, brooms, secaters, pruning saws, pressure sprayers.....
• scones, cakes, fruit, nuts, water, tea, coffee....
• willing hearts, broad smiles, eager intentions, (almost) boundless energy, God-given joy....
• a desire to bless us by meeting a practical need in a very profund and special way......

Result?

• Over 70 'person hours' of work lavished on our garden in one morning
• Three cars washed inside and out
• A garden that is almost unrecognisable and is an absolute joy behold (Sue smiles every time she looks at it!)
• Shared morning tea and BBQ lunch
• Relationships enjoyed and strengthened
• Prayer
• Powerful lessons learned about the profound ministry of accepting, as well as giving, acts of loving service

Deep and abiding thanks for the gift of grace lavished upon is by:

Sue, Ricky, Kitty, Cos, Sue, Mal, Sam, Barbara, Caleb, David, Kathleen, Angela, Beverley, Chris, Andrew, Cawood, Phoebe, Joshua, Zoe, Noah, Thomas, Allee, Lauren, Daniel, Emily, Jackson, Liam, George and Mitchell.

Geoff thought he should try his hand at a different sort of poetry. What better than the much-maligned (but secretly enjoyed) limmerick!

Here is what he came up with:

Sue from Sorrento got quite sick
The doctor prescribed 'chemo tonic'
Who knows the time scale
On this exotic cocktail
But beware for she's cyto-toxic!

Notes:

1. Sue lives in Sorrento Close hence Sue from Sorrento
2. Cytotoxic means 'toxic to cells', and hence potentially to anything comprised of cells! If you really want to understand the implications of this then this is a good place to start.
3. Purple is the colour used in hosptials and clinics to designate cyotoxicity - hence the decision to colour the limmerick!